The tale once began like this:

I am alone in the middle of the Savage Land…a hidden pocket of untamed life…with only semi-mystical leather pants long ago lost —now found — and a large bowie knife for protection and sport. This is not a hunting expedition. I will not attack, but I will taunt any lion, leopard, or other creature that might be up to take such action. These powerful beasts and I will do battle until I am left standing on top of a hill, backlit by the setting sun, seemingly exhausted and defeated…easy prey. And you will see them advancing for the final strike, but the savage horde instead kneels at my feet as some dumb, sappily triumphant score blasts from the speakers. They are…my now loyal army.

There is no real agenda after [...]

So, you do understand what’s wrong with you — well this time anyway — don’t you? Yes, it seems that all the calcium that you take in, and mind you it’s a small amount — but over time… — is distributed directly and exclusively to your head, the cranium, you understand. This has many consequences, but lets start with the head and perhaps we’ll end up there as well.

Now, your natural biology does have some sense. The calcium is not added to the outside of your skull for that would blemish you skin, in fact splitting it, and even your affliction still has some sort of vanity at this point — in addition to its general concerns of preservation in not wanting to alert you so obviously, this early. Yet the other direction, though [...]

When I used to – [singing] “Space is the place…”

Ahem. All the way back in – [singing] “…space is the place…”

GOD DAMN IT! Alirght, already. I dig. Space is the place. It has been…for like 6 years now. Leave me alone, Sun Ra…I’m writing.

Ok…he’s gone. He visits every now and then. He can do that…magic and crazy made-up shit I can’t remember exactly. But now I’m off on a tangent before I’ve even begun. This is surely a noteworthy record and you’d duly take note of it if you were in fact still reading.

Getting back to the actual tangent. There are two completely mind-destroying songs in existence. The first is “Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part I” from the Frank Zappa album Uncle Meat. This was one of Zappa’s film ideas gone horribly wrong and winding up completely [...]