There is where everything else goes…which is most of it, really. Truly terrible things that should not live, but must be written in a way not unlike taxidermy. No relevance, except in forced hindsight, these are thoughts, rants, creations, and fubar observations that have nowhere else to go.
In The Sporadical’s continuing crusade to uncover overlooked, underground cultural idiosyncrasies that will aid us in transitioning to The Second Surreal and Unnerving Human Empire, we bring you…cows crapping in a field for money!
Traditionally, Cow Chip Bingo is begun by a township painting a grid onto a field, pasture, or the front yard of someone universally disliked by the muttering masses. One may then go to the local corner store and purchase at a cost of $5 - $25 one of the squares in the aforementioned grid.
When all else has been properly prepared, the local crotchety old man, whom has no other responsibilities, grins the only smile of his life as he lets loose the cows, which have been mentally abused over the course of 2-3 years to such an extent that [...]
I found this spectacular video linked on Phil Plait’s intelligent and responsible blog Bad Atronomy, where he introduces the clip, writing:
You are immersed in magnetic fields right now. Your computer, your house, your office, your street, your TV, your iPod… they all have magnetic fields around them, and you are embedded in them as well.
Sweet Christ! I never knew. It’s like something out of a an old Jon Pertwee era Doctor Who episode…a cheesy invisible monster made more frightening through the stark reality of this video.
But now that we know…something must be done! Clearly it is these magnetic fields that have been invisibly fucking up everything for us always: mediocre love [...]
…but I’m still talking to the IRS and it’s just as enjoyable as it had traditionally been after a bottle Jäger at 8am.
This is a serious statement, outside of the convoluted, phantom alcoholism. The IRS hotline folks are my friends…my only friends? Perhaps, but certainly my best, most loyal, and multifaceted, disparate and desperate friends…at least.
Should we as a species get over our viewing the IRS as a purely evil, painful entity — which it is, but if we could stop viewing it as such — we would come to appreciate the quarks and crazies of a myriad of colorful characters that exist nowhere else in fact and seldom in fiction.
Following this, the industry of humanity would quite obviously construct a comedic and pointless documentary made heartwarming only by inappropriately placing sappy music with black-and-white [...]
I announce today, on the eve of nothing in particular, while we stand at the cusp of nothing more than a few minutes from now, the dawn of a new triumvirate.No figurative language or symbolism here, my friends, I speak directly of that governmental force, a three wheeled horse.But! and of course, this is a triumvirate like none have seen before.Very Hollywood…very Hollywood…well, cinematically anyway…not politically or philosophically.The members are quite clear, at least in fiction.Myself, of course, teamed with none other than James Traficant and William F. Buckley, together we will take the tangible world by absolute storm.
I know nothing of the eventual outcome, the end product as it were, but I drool simply pondering the events that journey our [...]
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