POLL: Do You Carry Your Strife in Your Pants?

by November 28th, 2009 - Polls » Crazy Pants » Politics » Science »

Are your underwear too tight?

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We here at The Sporadical do not really care to study this particular statistic. It is but our great benevolence that causes us to raise this question so that it may stir in you an inspection into whether or not you are properly stirring.

Understandably, when you were younger you may have been 135lbs and convinced that that surely should always be your weight and all measurements in clothing should necessarily follow. However, recent findings point to indications that this mindset and its consequences may carry harmful side effects.

Take notice.

Run your own tests.

There is certainly no shame in fancying yourself a swimmer’s build or possibly picturing yourself, both in your mind and a painfully forced reality, some waifish Sandman elf, pure abstract thought your only food and tears your only drink.

Indeed, along with careful hygiene, body image distortion is the only other guidance that the medical community has provided humanity in order to pursue a healthy life.

However, science has recently developed a suprising, but somewhat convincing theory that blood flow is also important.

Recently, I tested this theory. Bucking the theory that, “My underwear size is medium. MEDIUM! MY UNDERWEAR SIZE IS MEDIUM! FUCKING MEDIUM I SAID!“, I recently switched to large underwear and confoundedly found that my lungs started working again…almost immediately.

Truly a miracle of modern science, but Political Science undergraduates theorize that this same medical affliction may also be the fomenting cause of all the insecurity and irritability in despots, kings, warlords and human beings alike that cause them to murder, tax, prohibit and generally just feel the need to get up inside everyone’s ass, take a dump there, then blame the consequences on the host of this parasitic relationship.

If you have already answered the above poll, thank you for participating. However, with the possibility that your cartoon logic still validates legs that forever taper from an anime waist, we entreat you to be serious and truly ask yourself that question once every day. If not for your own well-being, please think for a moment of all the strife you may be projecting onto others from your pants.

Check yo self before you wreck yo self.

The Sporadical skeptically promotes the following:
SKEPTIC Reason Penn and Teller Frank Zappa