POLL: 2008 US Presidential Candidates

by July 8th, 2008 - Polls » Political »

Who are you voting for in the 2008 United States Presidential Election?

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My scientists have formulated that putting these polls into posts under their own category will not only pad my stats and make slightly mightier the girth of this fine site, but will also – shockingly! – organize the damn things so that they may be better perused in their later years.

First up…the 2008 US Presidential Election.

I have seen very little coverage of this event on YouPorn and have as such pooled what little information I could gleam from the ever smaller tubes of the internets. Collected here in this poll are all currently known candidates for the 2008 US Presidential Election.

Remember: VOTE OR NOT!

Already, Pier Paolo Pasolini has raced out to a commanding lead with 2 votes. This comes as no surprise. He is a fierce political warrior. While some may criticize his being dead, he has already proven that this is no true obstacle. If memory serves, he handedly won the 1999 Northampton Senior High School Student Council Presidency and led that institution through 3 glorious years now referred to as its golden age. Unfortunately, his reign ended in 2002 when he was found dead and buried for 27 years in a marked grave in Casarsa, Italy. Yet he rises once more for this new challenge…

I am myself conflicted as to whom I should vote for. After all, I did run that 1999 campaign that saw Pasolini defeating his opponents José Offerman and Chili Davis…both of whom also employed me as their campaign manager during that race. And although our political views have grown apart over the years, we still share many of the same ideals…and at least a few happy memories of years gone by.

Further complicating the matter is the surprise run of Arch Stanton in this year’s presidential election. I admit, disgracefully, that I served as his campaign manager in a 2002 bid for The Palladium’s Residential Council Presidency. This was a pure money job for me…and it showed. Fiercely campaigning with an almost limitless war chest and facing no opposition, Stanton still lost the election…heavily. Quite an obscure fellow, he simply didn’t have the name recognition necesary. The position remained unfilled and The Palladium prospered because of it.

I guess in situations such as these I generally default to a libertarian vote, but party platforms can be such a nebulous thing. I might just turn around to be informed that the libertarian party now randomly has in its platform a state mandating of thrice-weekly human-octopus sexual relations…no exceptions. How folks in Nebraska will stay out of jail is beyond me. Here come the storm troopers to make sure you’ve given special lovin’ to your cephalopod. “What…no octopus? Not our problem.” WHACK! But I don’t mean to besmirch the Libertarian Party. That’s more of an Arch Stanton position anyway… oh Arch…what the hell is wrong with you?

Carpe Que Sera Sera and vote for the leader of this splintered reality.

I’m Thomas K…and I’m not.

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