All American Boredom… Eli Becomes a Man… Pandemonium in Rockville Center… and How My Foot Exploded

by February 4th, 2008 - Culture » Sports »


More on the above gruesomeness…later…but first…

Holy hell! How can you not feel like an American this week, eh? The biggest dumbest days of wine and roses, football and politics, and I’m told Brock Lesnar has something to do with it as well. I’m not exactly sure what good any of it will do, but the stars and stripes are indeed shakin’ and I can’t help but swell with pride and other things, albeit to the foreign beats of Kraftwerk’s Tour de France.

I watched the big game abroad this year amongst a tribe of New York Giants fans. This is fine with me. I don’t have anything against those people. But I didn’t immediately echo their support. Although I’ve hated the Patriots with a passion in previous years, this year I found myself off and on again rooting strong to see the Patriots just demolish and destroy everyone in their way, as madman Belichick turns to wearing dark mascara and torn jean jackets, flipping off the fans and league, all a part of a much larger metaphorical “fuck you” to the NFL for questioning their tactics.

But then I hate Tom Brady. Good guy. Great player. But he looks like a Ken doll…and Barbie was always meant to be mine, dammit! And in the end, Belichick might be guiltier than originally laughed off.

So yes, I rooted for the Giants…not a terribly hard thing to do. The only obstacle would be Tom Coughlin…who disgusts me for new reasons. It used to simply be the fact that the man was such a horrible tight-ass, grinch of a coach sending half-dead players back out onto the field to finish what they started. But I almost forget about that…maybe it didn’t even happen. Now I’m simply disgusted by what I imagine is his almost complete utter inability to form larger coaching concepts than “Kick it THROUGH the goal posts. Next time kick it THROUGH!”. Maybe he indeed does more, but that’s what it seems, “Next time…CATCH the ball!”

So Giants fan I was and the American Dream sank further in as I sat back hypnotized by the flashes of red white and blue that ran across the screen not doing a hell of a lot for the first 3 quarters. It was boring. But that is not to say it was a bad game. It was indeed good football. Good football like Larry Brown is good basketball…but boring. The Giants’ defense for the most part succeeding in turning the Patriots offense into an uninspiring, impotent version of its high-powered promise. There were a few good hits at the end of the first half and into the third, but both the offense and defense of the Giants were not highlight material until the fourth.

And that is when Eli Manning…became a man. Watching 12 year old Eli bobble down the hallway prior to the game and sheepishly looking up to big brother Peyton for approval is a big reason why I rooted for the Giants. Not exactly traditional football fodder, but too damn comical not to root for.

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