The Case for Big Government Bear

by August 9th, 2009 - Politics »

big government bear stare

The world, as we know, is at its foundation a land of gumdrops, rainbows, happiness and perfect balance wherein no one suffers anything and all are equally content. Conflict, strife, and evil are things completely foreign and peculiar to this Kingdom of Good. These maladies enter via spiritual and dimensional realms, infecting otherwise good people or the abstract concepts themselves taking a solid state to wreak havoc on an otherwise carefree world.

Luckily, the battle between this perfectly distinct good and evil can be won by our fearless fuzzy defenders if only we give them all of our unwavering support so that our positive feelings pour into their hearts and out of their tummmies in a Carebear Stare of social and moral cleansing, sweeping across the nation and incinerating the black hearts of every mustache twirling miscreant who was once poised to tie this undisputed utopia to the train tracks.

Our prayers answered, our beautiful planet returns once more to a world where everyone is always happy and any contrary feeling can be defeated by some unlimited amount of tithing to our furry leaders of infinite power.


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