Hot damn do I ever applaud the hell out of the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. It’s one of an armful of fairly obviously soul destroying governmental policies the arguments for which fall frighteningly fucking flat. The obvious argument…supporters hate gay people. There is a more credible argument that openly serving homosexuals might spook bigots in service, creating distraction and losses on the battlefield. But of course, this is the same argument that supports any suppression of life in the name of security and safety. I happen to be one of those that would rather roll the dice more on a freer pursuit of happiness than to more semi-perfectly protect a greyer, shittier way of life. If we’re so worried about the lives of our troops, perhaps a little more discretion as to how many throats our collective foot must be on throughout the world.

However, I’m kind of surprised by this repeal, as it seems a departure from the normal corrective procedures of government. Where is the revenge politics? So seldom is a governmental ill against one group of people corrected by simply removing it. Commonly the foot on the throat of one group is not remedied by simply removing the foot, but by putting a foot on the throat of an ‘opposing’ group; or possibly not even removing the original foot, but feeding the crushed head underneath some candy every now and then.

Clearly, a more expected solution would have been either of the following:

• Require all homosexuals to identify themselves with some particular symbol stitched to their uniforms and also to contribute elaborate erotic short stories of all their sexual encounters in an armed forces anthology to raise money for the war effort.
• Identify all the heterosexuals in service, sow their mouths shut and sterilize them. TAKE THAT BREEDERS!

My solution? Easy…

Enlist Invisible Woman and have her form a forcefield around our troops on the battlefield, wherever that may be, wherein soldiers will disrobe and mock all shitheaded cultures by openly gaining pleasure from whatever voluntary combination of their bodies create the most stimulating tremors, the scene left on display for days as our troops relax and smoke cigarettes…and nap…and everyone else is simply left to contemplate until the same more or less occurs outside the bubble…

Kind of a shit job for Invisible Woman… Sorry, Suzy…but I don’t know anyone else that can do that…and these services are much more important than you battling some ill-conceived dildo-headed alien from a canon too dense to ever be understood or cared about… Fuck I hate super teams…

Praise be MFs….