This movie…is not as good as I think it is.

But my thoughts will not change on the matter. I was raised by my parents. When they weren’t looking, I was raised by Nick at Nite, on such shows as Gilligan’s Island, F Troop, The Addams Family and, most of all, Get Smart.

These were ridiculous, escapist comedies that had their own unique worlds and rules. For me, this feeling was markedly intensified 20 to 30 years after their original airing, like a lost signal of a parallel universe providing a black and white static to lose oneself from the modern world.

Watching these shows helped me, at a such a young age, to so quickly become such an old and crotchety man, denigrating modern TV comedy for its lack of imagination…no longer providing an absurdist or [...]

For the purposes of this post – and my ego – I am Prometheus.

And I have put myself at great peril, to steal for you – FROM ZEUS HIMSELF! – the gift of COMMENTS! Never before encountered anywhere throughout the wide expanse of the world of web, these “comments” will allow all mortals visiting The Sporadical the freedom to let their opinions known, instigate and extend discussions, make weirder the already strange, point out grammatical errors, play the game Who Has the Biggest Conceptual Penis?, naively and emotionally defend commonly held beliefs under the hypnotic power of a largely self-imposed peer pressure, warm themselves at night and better prepare food that isn’t Tastykakes.

You know nothing of these things now, but surely from this great addition to humanity will evolve complex systems of science, philosophy, politics, and art [...]

I never wanted to be a prizefighter. No aspirations…whatsoever.

But I should have known there would be no other course for me, but to be forced into that live-bait role…walking less than a block from my apartment on my way to the Laundr-O-Mat. Its just common sense…

“You gotta keep your head up!”

I spit out a spiraling wad of flem and gauze, blood and tissue, “Yeah…thanks Mickey…Mickey? Mickey, you…when did you become an elderly black lady?”

What the fuck…(spitting more blood)…what the fuck happened!? Where the fuck am I?!

Out of a second flash of what was a stronger haze, my mind and its eye are able to grasp the form of two kids running down the street. Two kids….two kids…

Alright…sure…got it. I was walking to the Laundr-O-Mat to transfer my newly unsoiled clothes, when I saw two kids walking in front of [...]

Back when I was a stronger…more resolute weakling – about a year or so ago – I would ask muggers and molesters if they wanted fries with that. They would quite often take me up on the offer and ask me to chip in 39 cents to supersize my loss. This is simply to characterize the fact that while I’ve always thought myself philosophically stone, in practice I slanted a little more naive and suckerish…a real Mayberry trust in my fellow man.

A particular experience recently returned to my mind. I was wandering the streets early one day, set to complete a catch and release tagging at the DMV with nothing but golden droppings pouring from my heart and similar rays spiraling from the eyes, my arms held out to the side like a 50’s cartoon character, just bobbing and swinging [...]