Unpopular Non-Denominational (But Mostly Christian) Holiday Favorites 2010
by Jason T. Kocher December 26th, 2010 - Society » Creative » Writing »
- Oh, dear! It…it’s past midnight… Have I… I have…missed that singular day of joy we trudge through an entire year for… I can’t wait another whole year until I can be happy again!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!
- Merry Ignorance of Officially Concentrated Yet Muted Emotional Obligation Day to Me!
- On the 25th of December, in front of Mary and Joseph, the Three Wisemen, some farm animals…and one peeping-tom just outside the barn no one else knows about…Jesus did come into this world…but saw his shadow, got scared and scurried back up into Mary signalling 6 more aeons of damnation…
- How about instead of all this good cheer and warm tidings, we re-imagine Christmas as an opposite of Thanksgiving where we sit around all day screaming complaints such as, “Christ! There’ s a hole in my sock, already!?”; “CHRIST! There’s a hole in my condom, already!?”; “CHRIST! I’m so worried about the baggage retrieval system they have at Heathrow.”; “CHRIST! There’s a hole in my soul, already!?” and so on…
- And if we’re feeling nostalgic for that old time relijun, we can find a baby, nail it to a cross and then crush it under a big boulder waiting some remarkable time later to see if it comes crawling out talking some ridiculous spiritual bullshit or another.
Salvation takes forever… Speed it up, brother!
This post is copyright © 2010 Jason T. Kocher and Sporadical Productions, Inc.
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