- Oh, dear! It…it’s past midnight… Have I… I have…missed that singular day of joy we trudge through an entire year for… I can’t wait another whole year until I can be happy again!
- Merry Ignorance of Officially Concentrated Yet Muted Emotional Obligation Day to Me!
- On the 25th of December, in front of Mary and Joseph, the Three Wisemen, some farm animals…and one peeping-tom just outside the barn no one else knows about…Jesus did come into this world…but saw his shadow, got scared and scurried back up into Mary signalling 6 more aeons of damnation…
- How about instead of all this good cheer and warm tidings, we re-imagine Christmas as an opposite of Thanksgiving where we sit around all day screaming complaints such as, “Christ! There’ s a hole in my sock, already!?”; “CHRIST! There’s a hole in my condom, already!?”; “CHRIST! I’m so worried about the baggage retrieval system they have at Heathrow.”; “CHRIST! There’s a hole in my soul, already!?” and so on…
- And if we’re feeling nostalgic for that old time relijun, we can find a baby, nail it to a cross and then crush it under a big boulder waiting some remarkable time later to see if it comes crawling out talking some ridiculous spiritual bullshit or another.
Salvation takes forever… Speed it up, brother!
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