Captain America Review: Hydra Bob Edition

by July 27th, 2011 - Culture » Film and TV »

Saw Captain America.

Meh.

Here’s the scene that would have taken it several notches above ‘meh’:

EXT. NAZI WOODS – NIGHT

We see Captain America riding his motorcycle intent on making his way to the hideout of the nefarious terrorist group, HYDRA.

CUT TO:

EXT. HYDRA HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Two guards stand at the gate, vigilant in their duty…until one slowly, uncertainly turns to the other…

BOB, AGENT OF HYDRA:

Hey, you know what I’ve been thinking…?

GENERIC HYDRA HENCHMAN:

Thinking?! Thinking is for the leader! It is only for us to carry out his will. HAIL HYDRA!

BOB, AGENT OF HYDRA:

No…I know…I know… Hail hydra, of course…of course. But I was thinking… You know that line, “You will never destroy Hydra. If you cut off one head…”

GENERIC HYDRA HENCHMAN:

“…TWO MORE WILL TAKE ITS PLACE. HAIL HYDRA!” Yes? Yes? Go on.

BOB, AGENT OF HYDRA:

I…um…well I’ve been keeping count, actually…and…far be it from me to question the leader – hail hydra – but we seem to be suffering a net loss…um…in the heads department actually…and its got me to thinking…

Before GENERIC HYDRA HENCHMAN can retort with an appalled “HAIL HYDRA!?” Captain America’s shield comes zinging into frame taking of the evil-doer’s head. Captain America approaches BOB, AGENT OF HYDRA menacingly, but at just that moment BOB’s pants fall down showing that he’s soiled himself making Captain America take pity, allowing BOB to shuffle away to drop off that job application at A.I.M.

The Sporadical skeptically promotes the following:
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