When I used to – [singing] “Space is the place…”

Ahem. All the way back in – [singing] “…space is the place…”

GOD DAMN IT! Alirght, already. I dig. Space is the place. It has been…for like 6 years now. Leave me alone, Sun Ra…I’m writing.

Ok…he’s gone. He visits every now and then. He can do that…magic and crazy made-up shit I can’t remember exactly. But now I’m off on a tangent before I’ve even begun. This is surely a noteworthy record and you’d duly take note of it if you were in fact still reading.

Getting back to the actual tangent. There are two completely mind-destroying songs in existence. The first is “Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part I” from the Frank Zappa album Uncle Meat. This was one of Zappa’s film ideas gone horribly wrong and winding up completely [...]

You will say…”Boy howdy, this guy sure hates politics. I mean, I know it’s an ugly business, but what a depressing outlook.”

And then, three politically driven posts later, “Boy howdy…” – you say that a lot and your friends are tired of it – “…this guy sure writes a lot about politics for someone who hates it so much and has only a casual knowledge of the subject. Surely he could focus instead on the daffodils and the adorable sparrows that flutter above them. They are sure more pleasant.”

So lets end this thing before it begins, by killing birds with stones. I will make use of more than one as my aim is off today and some of our feathered friends are not lining up just right.

I LOVE politics. All of the candidates are terrible, remorseless [...]

Today, for some reason, I had to wear a shirt. This caused great concern initially, but eventually I picked one of the many that littered the floor. I would have been squarely knocked on my ass if the wall hadn’t been directly behind me. The chosen one smelled exactly like Walnutport. But this shirt lives 2 – 3 hours away from there, has certainly not visited recently and, to the best of my recollection, has never felt the grey sun of Walnutport on its grey cotton.

Let me explain why this is important…by way of an olfactory adventure. It is the same type of alarm that causes one to ask “Why does my hand smell like my ass?!” even in mixed company.

This particular stink is the stink of your family gathered for the holidays…true heart-felt love amongst kin…but it smells…unavoidably. [...]

Watching C–SPAN…at 4AM…on MUTE…makes everyone…on stage and in the crowd…look like the worst goddamn criminals. Everyone has either just recently committed the worst crime in some darkened passage of the town hall…committed it years and years ago and now carries that baggage everywhere they go in the form of proud and pained expressions on their faces…or are only now thinking of committing a criminal act because they suspect everyone else in the audience is on the verge of the same murderous or otherwise heinous act. And I’m telling you they are…just look at them! They may never actually get to it…but it is just below the surface.

Of course, it starts off well enough…for a second. The dumb hick local politician stumbles around, learning to use the microphone for the first time…again. With the sound off, I can’t help [...]