I met a man from the future once. He seemed to think that he was better than me because I am from this primitive culture. I asked him, “What’s so great about your culture?” He said, “Our technological advances would blow your tiny mind. We can transfer our consciousness from vessel to vessel. This isn’t […]

Should my body ever expire, I desire a quite public viewing of my nude remains as a reminder to all in attendance what frail meat we are, but for my right foot which will be revealed to have been constructed of the most exquisite diamond. And even I, in my new robot body will be […]

And the recipient of THE SPORADICAL INSTITUTE’s 2009 Fuck It Peace Prize is… PAUL LYNDE What!? Why?! Because… Well… Fuck it…he just is, alright? SCREW! Get your own goddamn peace prize and you can give it to whoever the hell YOU want… Or are we gonna fight about it?! Huh? Punk!

I recently visited relatives in the lovely little state of Maryland. While there, we conducted a reconnaissance mission at the National Aquarium in Baltimore, studying the tactics of the indisputably evil and nigh unstoppable menace that we call Jellyfish. Turns out…the gelatinous critters just float around in glass cylinders. Perhaps my fears were overblown. Surely, […]