True love is a staring contest to the death on the back of a giant sea turtle playing an uneventful game of musical chairs with forever two chairs to Townes Van Zandt’s Waiting Around to Die until someone does. Luckily, True Love is only a fairy tale…

Asperger’s (colloq. Ass Burgers) An ill-fated, early competitor to the McDonald’s fast-food chain started by Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger in 1944, staffed entirely by autistic employees. Although the business filed for bankruptcy shortly after opening, Hans Asperger looked on the bright side, referring to it as a “learning experience”.

Saturday Night. Union Square, New York City Best Buy. Nintendo spontaneously decides to launch their new stereoscopic 3D handheld video game system, 3DS, so that they had an excuse to close down the Best Buy and deny my very urgent need for its public bathroom. DAMN YOU NINTENDO! After mad-dashing through the closing minutes of […]

Photograph of the very first documented Cricket game. I have a strong, strong suspicion that no one actually understands the game of Cricket. Ever since inception, players have simply swung some things, thrown others and run around without purpose, pausing now and then to make bold claims that they have scored points, claims that go […]