X-Men Origins: Wolverine = Worst Deadpool Movie Ever

by May 14th, 2009 - Culture » Film and TV »

Prior to his sword play, the team of mercenaries including Wolverine (Team X) are in an elevator with the great elevator tune “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Ole Oak Tree”. Wade makes a few choice comments about his teammates when the elevator momentarily stops then explodes into action when the doors open.

Editor’s Note:
Props to the filmmakers for not going with the standard, “The Girl from Ipanema”.

Now…the real Deadpool however, would have uncontrollably burst into song singing:

“If I don’t see a ribbon round the old oak tree, I’ll stay on the bus, Forget about us, Put the blame on me…”

…which would be cut off mid lyric with the elevator door opening unto the enemy with a short awkward moment shared by both Wade and the baddies. Deadpool peaks his head out of the elevator,

“I’ll be with you fellas in just a skosh…K?”

He ducks back in, presses the door close button and belts out at the top of his lungs,

“Now the whole damned bus is cheerin’, And I can’t believe I see, A hundred yellow ribbons round the old oak tree”.

He looks at the rest of Team X and smiles contently, presses the the door open button, steps out and whispers,

“I’m comin’ home”

…and then proceeds to demolish the enemy.

Either way, that is the point in the film where any genuine Deadpool ends. By the end he is a mute super-beast…with everyone’s power…that surely can’t be countered…that…just…can…not…be…beaten…until he is.

While the movie was a waste of the talents of both Deadpool and Ryan Reynolds, it is clear that the filmmakers had to minimize both or else have the movie stolen by both the character and actor. The mangled creature that is Deadpool by the end of the movie does not rule out a Deadpool movie, it simply makes such a venture undesirably awkward and less than ideal. In fact, a bonus ending after the credits shows Deadpool’s hand crawling towards his decapitated head which then opens its eyes and to the audience emits a smiling, “Shhhhh!”. While the character still doesn’t look right and I still have many fears how they may portray him in a full-length movie, this scene is another great snippet of the character who often beats the shit out of the fourth wall, talking directly to the audience and fondling them a bit.

Ryan Reynolds seems very keen on the character, hoping to bring Deadpool back to life in a full-length movie. There too have been some somewhat supported rumors that producers and other such movie-men are indeed on track for just that. My only hesitance with Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool is that his celebrity and dashing good looks make it unlikely that he will be in a movie where his character will be either masked or unrecognizably scarred for the majority of the movie, which is truly necessary for any honest attempt at a Deadpool movie.

Editor’s Note:
Fanboys…hey…keep it quiet…I’m aware that they could use an imager…but that wouldn’t make it so good for me the entire movie and I don’t want to explain that.

Additionally, Ryan Reynolds and others surrounding the potential movie have been quoted as saying essentially that they want to accurately portray the complex origins of such a unique character on the screen. This is one of the few instances where I think most fanboys would actually be scared by such a statement. What is important concerning the character of Deadpool is, what Deadpool IS; not what he was or how exactly he came to be.

The movie-makers’ approach tends towards a more dramatic and darker movie of tragic mystery. This is NOT Deadpool. Deadpool done well is composed of, at most, 5% drama. The character IS an assclown. He may, in fact, be THE assclown – though perhaps Lupin III may give him a run for his money.

Deadpool = Style + Comedy + Violence + Dance Numbers + Surrealism + Absurdity + only a dash…a dash of drama.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine was a movie that I perhaps liked more than I should have though I wanted to have liked it more, but knew I wouldn’t. It serves the character of Wolverine as adequately as Hugh Jackman does; and while it gives wings to an otherwise impossible dream of a Deadpool movie, it throws tar on those very wings, throws it to the earth and does it rotten, making little choir boys and girls cry all over God’s creation.

Hey True Believers!

Stay tuned for my open letter to Ryan Reynolds who I ridiculously believe is solely in control of the Deadpool movie and whom I hope to convince to make a mostly musical surrealist masterpiece. YEAH!

For those interested…

Deadpool is actually not most awesomely written by his creator, Fabian Nicieza. In fact, he’s kinda lame early on. All of Deadpool is at least somewhat a joy to read, but the best I have ever read was written by Gail Simone through the end of her run on Deadpool and her very excellent series Agent X which was largely absent the actual Deadpool because his name didn’t have an X in it. You can understand this…I believe in you. Also very good is the current run by Daniel Way wherein Deadpool finds himself playing key roles in, but being mostly oblivious to major events in the Marvel Universe. As my interest had not recently extended much beyond Deadpool, I too share his confusion as to the massive story-arcs…Dark-what-now-skrulls-huh? So…basically…more things to kill?

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